wwe survivor series 2012 report/review

Julian Cannon is here for a quick review on wwe survivor series 2012..follow me on twitter @julianexcalibur

 

David Otunga was named the fifth member of Team Ziggler. Ziggler’s fellow heels did not like the pick.

3MB beat Team CoBro after McIntyre caught Ryder with his cast, allowing Mahal to pick up the win.

Brodus Clay, Justin Gabriel, Tyson Kidd, Sin Cara, Rey Mysterio vs Tensai, Primo and Epico, Prime Time Players

A bonus match to start the show. Is seeing Tensai a bonus? Epico and Tyson Kidd started. They exchanged some offense until Epico pulled Kidd down onto the apron. Kidd was able to escape and tag in Gabriel. Gabriel tagged in Rey, but Epico caught him with a kick and tagged in Young. Rey tagged in Sin Cara, who hit his normal offense on Primo. Primo took out Sin Cara with a leg sweep and tagged in Tensai. He hit some bodyslams then tossed Cara into the corner where he tagged in O’Neil. The heels took turns working over Sin Cara. Tensai took out the faces until CLay punched Tensai and Cara tagged him in. All of the faces hit dives to the outside on the heels, leaving Tensai and Clay. Tensai took out Clay and hit his back dive, eliminating Clay. Gabriel moved out of the way of Tensai’s back dive and Gabriel rolled him up for a three count. The heels took turns working over Kidd this time. O’Neil missed a charge at Kidd and crotched himself. Kidd caught O’Neil with a kick and rolled him up for a three count. Kidd then caught Epico in a sharpshooter, eliminating him. Primo went to the top, but Kidd caught him mid air with a dropkick. Kidd tagged in Rey. Rey hit a seated senton from the top. Primo ducked a 619, but Rey rolled him up for a three count. Rey then hit a 619, then all the faces got some offense in on Young and picked up the win.

WINNERS: Clay, Gabriel, Kidd, Rey and Sin Cara
Match Analysis: **3/4: Decent opener. Weird to see the big guys eliminated first. Good solid action throughout. Faces win to get the crowd into it early.

A blond woman tried attacking Kaitlyn before her match. Kaitlyn got the upper hand and revealed it to be Aksana. Eve asked if she was okay.

Divas Championship: Eve (c) vs Kaitlyn
Kaitlyn dominated Eve early until Eve caught her with a kick to the gut. Eve slapped Kaitlyn across the face then applied a head scissors. Eve went to the top but Kaitlyn knocked her off then slapped her across the face. Kaitlyn dropped Eve with a knee to the gut but Eve kicked out. Eve escaped outside the ring and pulled the ring apron out, causing Kaitlyn to slip. Eve hit her neckbreaker for the win.

WINNER: Eve

Backstage, Team Foley tried getting hyped up for their match. Foley wanted to do a “Bang, Bang” on three. Orton told Foley he hated him for it.

United States Championship: Antonio Cesaro (c) vs R-Truth
After a couple of quick roll-ups Truth hit some punches in the corner until the ref broke it up. Cesaro connected with a headbutt and applied an armbar. Cesaro hit a bodyslam and stomp then went back to a ground submission. Truth fought out with some elbows but Cesaro caught him with a knee. Cesaro hit an upper cut and went back to a submission, but Truth fought out and got some offense in. Truth hit his bodyslam neckbreaker for two. Cesaro caught Truth with his upper cut then hit the Neutralizer for the win.

WINNER: Antonio Cesaro
Match Analysis: *3/4: Too short to amount to anything. Cesaro had a submission hold applied for about half the match. You knew Truth wasn’t winning going in and the WWE did nothing to make you think he was during the match.

A.J. came out. She said the only reason she thought Vickie was after her is because she was a vindictive witch. Or a word that rhymes with witch. A.J. said Vickie accused her because she has something of her own to cover up. Vickie asked AJ what she was thinking. A.J. then showed terrible photoshops of Vickie with Ricardo, Jim Ross and Brodus Clay. Vickie said this was ridiculous. A.J. said if Vickie were to hit her, she gets fired. Suddenly, Tamina came out and attacked A.J. That was bad.

Josh Matthews interviewed Paul Heyman. He asked what was left in Punk’s bag of tricks to keep his WWE Title. Heyman said that is just an example of the dis-respect Punk has been getting. He ran down Punk’s challengers and called Punk the Best in the World.

World Heavyweight Championship: Big Show (c) vs Sheamus
Show grabbed control early and hit his slaps. Show went off the ropes but Sheamus took him out with a shoulder to the leg. He knocked Show into the ropes where he got caught and Sheamus landed some punches. Show went to the outside but Sheamus hit him with a shoulder tackle off the apron. Back in the ring, Sheamus went to the top but Show hit a Spear on Sheamus. They went back outside where Show tossed Sheamus into the steps. Show started to slowly work over Sheamus. Sheamus was in the ropes but Sheamus dropped Show’s head on the ropes and hit a diving shoulder tackle. But Show came right back with a boot. Show went back to his slow methodical offensive attack on Sheamus. Sheamus applied a sleeper hold but Show tossed him off. Sheamus charged at Show but he moved and Sheamus went right into the ring post. Show went for the Vader Bomb, but Sheamus hit an electric chair for two. Impressive by Sheamus. The two exchanged punches but Sheamus gained control and he took down Show. Sheamus went for a Brogue Kick but Show blocked it. Sheamus countered a chokeslam attempt into White Noise for two. Sheamus went for a Brogue Kick but Show pulled the ref into the way and he took the brunt of it. As refs and Sheamus checked on the down ref. Big Show hit a KO Punch and picked up the win.

After the match, one ref reversed the decision of the other ref and said Show was disqualified. Show belittled the ref until Sheamus started attacking Big Show with a chair. Show begged Sheamus to stop. Sheamus threw the chair down but hit a Brogue Kick instead.

WINNER: Sheamus via DQ
Match Analysis: **1/2: I had a feeling going in that this match would have a fishy ending, and of course it did. But why didn’t the second ref immediately DQ Show when he came down. Show won fairly if you go by that logic. Did the ref just change his mind? Not on par with what they did last month. Looks like we are getting a Chairs match at TLC next month. Poorly booked match.

Team Foley vs Team Ziggler
Kofi and Otunga started. Otunga ducked a Trouble in Paradise but hit a dive to the outside instead. Bryan and Sandow came in and Sandow hit the Elbow of Disdain. Bryan hit a dropkick in the corner and then a handful of kicks. Sandow tried leaving but Kane brought him back. Kane hit a chokeslam in the ring and pinned Sandow, eliminating him. Kane and Bryan argued and Kane shoved Bryan to the outside. Ziggler snuck in and hit a ZigZag on Kane, eliminating him. Bryan and Barrett went at it. Barrett ducked a Bryan dropkick in the corner and worked over Bryan. Otunga came in and took his time with Bryan, allowing Bryan to apply the No Lock. Otunga tapped. Kofi an Del Rio came in. Kofi hit a high crossbody for two. Barrett came in and hit a tilt-a-whirl slam. Barrett hit the Bull Hammer on Kofi, eliminating him.

Orton worked over Barrett. Orton went for a tag but Miz refused to tag in, so Bryan did. Barrett escaped Bryan and tagged in Del Rio. Del Rio escaped the No Lock and applied the cross armbreaker. Bryan tapped. The heels took turns working over Orton. Orton made the hot tag to Miz who took out all the heels. Barrett caught Miz and went for Wasteland, but Miz countered into a Skull Crushing Finale, eliminating Barrett. Miz charged at Del Rio in the corner but missed. Del Rio took out Miz with a kick to the head and eliminated him. Del Rio went to the top but Orton took him out with a dropkick. Orton hit his usual offense but Ricardo distracted him, allowing Del Rio to get a two count. Foley pulled Ricardo off the apron and used Mr. Socko. Orton went for the RKO, but moved out of the way and Ziggler accidentally drop kicked Del Rio. Orton threw Ziggler into the ring post. Del Rio hit a kick and went for the cross armbreaker but Orton countered into an RKO and eliminated Del Rio. Orton went for the RKO but hung on to the ropes and then hit a ZigZag for two. Orton came back and hit the middle rope DDT. Orton hesitated and went for the punt, but Ziggler caught him with a superkick for the win.

WINNER: Team Ziggler- Dolph Sole Survivor
Match Analysis: **1/2: Match really didn’t pick up until the final few minutes. The right man went over though. I don’t get the point of turning Miz face and then having him not put on a better performance. If the match had more of a backstory to it, it might have been better. But the lack of that took away from the match for me. Would have liked to see Barrett last longer than Del Rio.

WWE Championship: C.M. Punk (c) vs John Cena vs Ryback
The faces each chased Punk around the ring and then took turns beating on him. Cena hit a running bulldog on Punk then Ryback clotheslined him over the ropes. Cena and Ryback were left in the ring. The crowd probably didn’t react the way Vince wanted them too. Ryback gained the upper hand with some kicks in the corner. Punk came back in but ate a Ryback powerslam. Cena hit a belly to belly on Ryback. Cena applied a headlock but Punk came off the top with an axe handle. Punk went to the top again but Ryback caught him and took him into the corner. Punk came back with a kick. Cena snuck in a roll up for two. Punk applied a submission but Ryback picked him up and hit a running power slam. Cena hit a side slam on Ryback but Ryback popped right back up. Punk grabbed Cena and dragged him to the outside and threw him into the steps.

Punk hit a springboard clothesline on Ryback and applied a headlock. Ryback fought out and hit his clothesline. Ryback went for Shell Shocked but Cena grabbed him and applied the STF. Punk went to the top rope and delivered an elbow, breaking up the hold. Punk went for a GTS but Cena countered. The two exchanged punches before Ryback took them out with a clothesline. He tossed both men to the outside. Cena and Punk started beating on Ryback then suplexed him through the Spanish announce table. Back in the ring, Cena went into CENA MODE. Punk popped right back up and hit the GTS for two. Cena came back with an AA for two. Punk hit some kicks. Cena went for the STF. Punk hit a high knee but Cena countered the bulldog and applied the STF.

Ryback came back in and hit a clothesline on both men. Ryback connected on Shell Shocked on Punk but Cena broke up the pin. Ryback then hit Shell Shocked on Cena, but three men dressed in security attacked Ryback. It was Roman Reigns, Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrosse from NXT. They beat down Ryback and put him through the announce table. This allowed Punk to crawl in and pin Cena for the win.

WINNER: C.M. Punk
Match Analysis: ***: Just an okay match. Not the greatest of triple threats. You knew at some point Cena and Punk would take out Ryback. Both table spots were good. I’m assuming the NXT guys story will be similar to what went on with Brad Maddox. They’re frustrated Ryback gets the glory while they don’t. The match had its typical big spots with each man hitting their respective finisher. Punk’s reign officially becomes a year long.

OVERALL
Not a bad PPV. The opener was good with some quality action. I wasn’t a fan of the Cesaro match. While I like the character and wrestler Cesaro, the match was just too slow moving for my liking. The A.J./Vickie stuff was completely time wasting and was just their to kill time. Show/Sheamus did not meet last month’s match, and the finish was stupid. They could have booked a DQ finish a dozen different ways. Team Foley/Team Ziggler would have been better had there been some backstory between Team Captains. The action didn’t pick up until the final five minutes. But the right man went over. The triple threat was average at best. I get the need to “protect” Ryback, but it was evident during the match that the fans don’t care about him. I’m giving the show a 4/5.

RE Post: sorry fans but “PG” is here to stay

Julian Cannon is back for another post, this time is to reflect on the WWE current PG era product, and the response of Linda McMahon’s failed senate campaign from 2009-2012. Good thing that she lost both times because she wasted about 100 million dollars (can we have Tidus o’ neal and Darren Young say “millions of dollars” please)

I thought I’d write about something that almost blew up Twitter last night among wrestling fans as soon as it was announced that Linda McMahon had failed in her attempt to get elected to the US Senate. Almost as one, wrestling fan asked the question: “Is the PG Era over?” Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but no. Like it or not, “PG” wrestling is here to stay.

I’d be lying if I said that I’d always been happy with “PG” wrestling, because it wasn’t what I loved to watch in the late 90’s. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that today’s wrestlers have to be more talented in order to work in the business. They can’t just haul out a steel chair and smack someone in the head repeatedly to get the crowd involved in their match. They have to use more of their character and wrestling ability. I’m not saying that some of the guys in the Attitude Era weren’t talented, because they were, but they had other ways to get that “shock factor”. The current WWE superstars rarely, if at all, have that opportunity, so they have to use other things.

WWE’s product isn’t suffering because of the PG rating: it’s suffering from a lack of fresh, creative ideas. The rating of your show is no excuse for producing mediocre storylines and expecting fans to react in the same way they did a decade ago. It simply won’t happen. Society isn’t the same as it was during the Attitude Era and the 93-97 era. Many People don’t watch wrestling (or TV in general) the way they used to 10-15 years ago. DVR, TiVo and Sky+ all let us choose when we sit down to watch Raw/Smackdown. In fact, that technology is a godsend sometimes, especially since Raw has gone to 3 hours. But for me, I still watch Raw and Smackdown because I’m still a dedicated fan to professional wrestling no matter what’s going on backstage.

The other reason why “PG” is here to stay is down to one simple fact: money. WWE makes a boat load of cash from merchandising deals with various companies and as a publicly traded entity; they have a responsibility to their shareholders to make as much money as they can. Put yourself in the shoes of a shareholder. Would you care if the product was crap, but you were making money? Of course you wouldn’t. At the end of the day, it’s about making money. As long as WWE are doing that with a “PG” product, nothing will change.

I reckon that WWE needs to start building more “superstars” who are at the level that John Cena and CM Punk is at. Those of you who have read my posts in the past know that I’m not a fan of Cena’s character, but the problem is that as soon as someone says “PG Era” they think “John Cena”, so all the frustration gets fired his way, which isn’t fair. It’s not his fault that he’s seen as the poster boy and the biggest star in the business today; it’s WWE’s fault for not building up enough stars at his level to share the load. Granted, they’ve started to do that in the last 18 months or so with the likes of Sheamus and CM Punk and Randy Orton, but those guys aren’t “there” yet.

I’m not a businessman or wrestling promoter. I’m just a fan and I know what I’d like to see, but the fact is that for everyone on the internet who bitches that WWE aren’t “doing things the way they should”, there’s another 10/20 people who are quite happy with what they’re watching. The people who hate “PG” wrestling are in the minority. Fact. Until that changes, WWE’s product will continue to be family-friendly and the rest of us will just have to deal with it

And also, the only reason whyWWE went to the attitude era is because of a few things:

1.WCW was kicking their ass in ratings every week.

2.ECW’s involvement

3. Im sorry to say it but if there was not for vince russo, the feuds of the attitude era from 97-99 would have not existed

So in my conclusion, there is no need for the attitude era to come back because that era had great feuds, but it did not have 10/10 match quality that it did before, plus after the attitude era, we got to see match of the year quality matches on PPV.

I rest my case for now

Did the WWE went to far with the heart attack angle?

Julian Cannon back again for another post. Sorry everyone for the slowdown i have been very busy lately. This one is a look back on the heart attack angle by Paul Heyman and CM Punk. Also follow me on twitter @julianexcalibur

The most talked-about event on this week’s edition of Monday Night Raw was not related to the build to Sunday’s Survivor Series pay-per-view. Instead, what most wrestling fans are talking about was the way that the heel WWE Champion CM Punk and Paul Heyman mocked Jerry Lawler for the heart attack he suffered on September 10.

Did I expect it to happen? Yes.

Did I expect it to happen as quickly as it did? Yes.

Did I expect it to happen in the manner it was done? Yes.

It’s all about the expectations. If you didn’t think WWE was going to use the heart attack in an angle, then you are underestimating what WWE does. If you expected it to do it, then you’re like me and you realized it was just a wrestling angle used as a device to get more heat on the current WWE Champion.

History Repeats Itself

There are many things that WWE has done over the years to push the envelope in terms of the health of somebody on the show. If you’ll recall they had Eddie Guerrero’s mom suffer a heart attack in 2004 due to the heel tactics of John Bradshaw Layfield. JBL has since said he had to get a police escort to the next town because they were worried about his safety. Look here at this clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvgRpMgE5q8

Remember the angle in 2006 when heel Randy Orton was feuding with Rey Mysterio? It was a few months after the death of Eddie Guerrero, who was a close friend of Mysterio. As a way to get heat for Orton they had him say that: “Eddie Guerrero’s not in heaven. Eddie’s in hell.” That angered a lot of people. While I’m sure that somebody probably thought Eddie would be OK with it, there’s no way of knowing if that’s true.

If you’ll recall in 2011 while Lawler was feuding with Michael Cole, Lawler’s mother passed away. Once Lawler returned, Cole used the death of Lawler’s mother as a way to get heel heat as well. Watch this clip and listen to the crowd reaction at the 4:30 mark. You can hear how angry the crowd is just by their reaction. I’m sure that Lawler was OK with it because as a heel he said some very nasty things about Bret Hart’s family among others over the years.

The WWE Champion Is a Jerk? Heels Are Supposed to Be!

This week on Raw, Punk basically took credit for Lawler’s heart attack saying that the beatings that Punk gave him are the reason Lawler nearly died. It’s not true, but heels lie and that’s just part of the wrestling business. We know that.

Where things might have went too far was when Paul Heyman faked a heart attack in the ring. Then he, along with Punk, laughed at Lawler. I think that’s what probably pissed off people the most because they were making a mockery of a very serious situation. Don’t get mad at Punk or Heyman. They are just doing their jobs as wrestling heels who are being booked to act that way.

Later on Raw, CM Punk got beat by John Cena. He tried to run away from him, but Ryback prevented him from running away. That is WWE’s way of saying “he paid for what he did” because he got his ass kicked. On Sunday if you want to see Punk get his ass kicked, buy the Survivor Series pay-per-view and see if it happens. I’ll save the predictions for another column.

There Are No Limits

Wrestling fans complain about a lot of things. In this case if somebody complains about WWE using a very real heart attack for the purposes of a storyline, I think he or she is justified for having that opinion. It was pushing the envelope.

The question shouldn’t be: “Did WWE go too far?” The question is does WWE really think it’s necessary to use a real life serious situation like a heart attack as a way to add heel heat to its top heel?

The answer to that question, in the eyes of Vince McMahon and the WWE creative team, is obviously yes. They did it on Monday. They’ve done it many other times over the years.

There’s no exact way to measure if doing angles like these hurt or help the product. You can’t look at television ratings because while they are used for accuracy, who is to say that somebody turned the show off because of a previous segment or because they had no interest in watching Tensai get squashed?

If you look at the pay-per-view buys for Survivor Series, we won’t be able to tell if people were put off by the Lawler angle. If the buyrate number is perceived as low you can blame it as the main event switching two weeks before the show aired or the lack of depth on the card. Maybe there’s some big NFL game that night—there usually is on Sunday nights. There will be no exact way of knowing why a number is down.

 

Is Jerry Lawler OK With It?

The best thing to do is to look at this storyline from Lawler’s perspective. He’s been a part of the wrestling business for 40 years. He’s been an announcer and part-time wrestler in WWE for nearly 20 years (he started in 1993).

Think about it. If Lawler suffered his heart attack alone in his hotel room or while driving a car, the chances are very high that he would be dead right now. Because of where suffered his heart attack—live on Raw—he was able to receive medical attention right away. The WWE doctors saved his life. The EMTs in Montreal saved his life.

Remember this. He was given a second chance on life. He was dead for a few minutes on September 10. Medical personnel had to revive him. Think about what the last nine weeks have been for that man. He went literally from his deathbed back to work in two months. It’s amazing. Nobody was happier on Monday than him, and that’s what I most enjoyed about Raw this week.

If you’re Lawler and WWE says: “We want to use your heart attack in an angle to get CM Punk heel heat” what do you think he’s going to say? Chances are if he said no, then they wouldn’t have done it. He probably said it was fine. McMahon was there for Lawler when he suffered his heart attack. They are very close friends. If it was an issue on Monday, I really doubt it would have made it onto Raw.

What I’m trying to say is that if Jerry Lawler is OK with WWE making fun of him for having a heart attack on their television show two months ago, then we, as wrestling fans, should be OK with it too.

I’m not saying you should love it. I just think it’s acceptable because everybody involved with it knows it’s part of the story for the greater good of the company (in the minds of WWE Creative), so it’s important to realize it and get past it.

Heels are mean. Babyfaces are nice. That’s wrestling. That was what we got on Monday just like we get every single week and will continue to get for the rest of our lives as wrestling fans.

Monday Night Raw, Friday Night Smackdown and any other WWE show is no different than any television show with a script. They are Wrestlers on a television. Just because they used a real life situation to further a storyline doesn’t make them wrong. It just means they know what they are: a scripted television show that is trying to gain viewers. More than anything WWE is a business.

What did the WWE prove by using Jerry Lawler’s near-death experience to further a storyline? That nothing is off limits.

Business as usual.

Robocop Month: Retro video game review: Robocop vs the Terminator

While the majority of comic book and film-based games tend to fall short in terms of overall quality, or fail to capture the essence of what made their source material great, RoboCop Versus The Terminator is an above average offering, standing out as one of the better 2D side-scrolling action titles available on Sega’s 8-bit platform.

Considering the Sega Master System’s hardware limitations, I’m surprised at how smoothly RoboCop Versus The Terminator plays, featuring large, sprawling environments and well-animated character sprites. Developer NMS has successfully captured the dark, comic book style artwork in digital form.

In the role of everyone’s favorite tin-man, your goal is to take down the SkyNet supercomputer, which is attempting to put an end to the human race. To people who’ve seen the Terminator films, this may come as a surprise to have RoboCop in the lead role, as opposed to Kyle Reese or Sarah Connor. Thankfully, the Frank Miller comic this is based upon successfully melded the two worlds in a believable storyline, and this carries over well to the game.

A total of eleven levels, taking place in streets, factories and office complexes, are waiting for you to tear through them and overall, I’d say the environments you move through are well drawn and large, yet small enough the keep the game progressing before boredom. Each level is fairly straightforward in navigation and you’ll rarely get lost, because as in most games of this type you move from left to right, making it a no-brainer as to where you must proceed.

Control for our hero is pretty good; he can jump fair lengths, climb up ladders, leap off chains and has the ability to fire in nine directions. Unfortunately, one important direction is missing: down. Many times you’ll suffer a barrage of enemy fire, unable to fight back because of your foe’s position.

Previous to each level you’re presented with primary and secondary objectives to complete, and while they may look different in text, they’re all pretty much the same; rescue hostages or captives, take down the big guys and stay alive! In regards to the hostages (with gargantuan heads thrice the size of Robo’s!), it’s rather amusing to see them freed from their bonds, then stand up with a huge smile, disappearing ala David Copperfield.

Littering most levels are human thugs that explode upon being shot — although a nice touch, this gory novelty wears off quick. In addition to the laser and pistol firing thugs, there are Endoskeletons, T-800s, and flying metallic orbs to watch out for, as well as a variety of environmental hazards.

Nothing will prepare you for the pieces of popcorn levitating out of toxic waste barrels though — that’s just odd. Another odd occurrence are the anonymously thrown Molotov cocktails the size of a large dog — I realize that in this future it’s all about who’s got the bigger firepower, but these are overkill, not to mention seriously out of scale.

For the most part, the end-of-level bosses are well animated and creative (when not based upon an existing character), but some have glitchy spots of animation or will pause without attacking. Also, the bosses seemed to be a tad on the easy side to defeat: each features an easily deprogrammed pattern that you can exploit and thus the majority won’t present much of a challenge for the seasoned gamer. Thankfully, adjustable difficulty levels are included.

Considering all the damage being thrown your way, it’s a good thing power-ups can be found, such as extra lives and invincibility shields — but what’s up with the paste pots? I wasn’t aware RoboCop ate baby food. In addition, there are more powerful weapons you can find, lock and load, including plasma rifles, rocket launchers and laser guns, all of which have a nice “oomph” to them when fired and a nasty effect on your foes.

While unoriginal as a whole, RoboCop Versus The Terminator is a well done action shooter and good choice for fans of the RoboCop or Terminator film franchises.
Graphics 4/5
Backgrounds and environments look like the comics, while RoboCop’s animation, in addition to his foes is well done. Little details in each level show care was taken in this aspect of the game.

Sound 3/5
Energetic and fast-paced music backs the action, but sound effects are generic and uninspired.

Enjoyment 4/5
Fans of the comic or the genre will have a good, albeit short time blasting through the game.

Replay Value 4/5
About average for a side-scrolling shooter, there are some hidden items and areas to explore, but they may not make another run through the title appealing.

Documentation 3/5
The manual gives a good synopsis of the storyline, but the level and enemy descriptions are very short. It covers everything one needs to know before jumping in this title, though.

Final verdict: 4/5

Wreatling:sorry wrestling fans, PG is not going anywhere!

Julian Cannon is back for another post, this time is to reflect on the WWE current PG era product, and the response of Linda McMahon’s failed senate campaign  from 2009-2012. Good thing that she lost both times because she wasted about 100 million dollars (can we have Tidus o’ neal and Darren Young say “millions of dollars” please)

I thought I’d write about something that almost blew up Twitter last night among wrestling fans as soon as it was announced that Linda McMahon had failed in her attempt to get elected to the US Senate. Almost as one, wrestling fan asked the question: “Is the PG Era over?” Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but no. Like it or not, “PG” wrestling is here to stay.

I’d be lying if I said that I’d always been happy with “PG” wrestling, because it wasn’t what I loved to watch in the late 90’s. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that today’s wrestlers have to be more talented in order to work in the business. They can’t just haul out a steel chair and smack someone in the head repeatedly to get the crowd involved in their match. They have to use more of their character and wrestling ability. I’m not saying that some of the guys in the Attitude Era weren’t talented, because they were, but they had other ways to get that “shock factor”. The current WWE superstars rarely, if at all, have that opportunity, so they have to use other things.

WWE’s product isn’t suffering because of the PG rating: it’s suffering from a lack of fresh, creative ideas. The rating of your show is no excuse for producing mediocre storylines and expecting fans to react in the same way they did a decade ago. It simply won’t happen. Society isn’t the same as it was during the Attitude Era and the 93-97 era. Many People don’t watch wrestling (or TV in general) the way they used to 10-15 years ago. DVR, TiVo and Sky+ all let us choose when we sit down to watch Raw/Smackdown. In fact, that technology is a godsend sometimes, especially since Raw has gone to 3 hours. But for me, I still watch Raw and Smackdown because I’m still a dedicated fan to professional wrestling no matter what’s going on backstage.

The other reason why “PG” is here to stay is down to one simple fact: money. WWE makes a boat load of cash from merchandising deals with various companies and as a publicly traded entity; they have a responsibility to their shareholders to make as much money as they can. Put yourself in the shoes of a shareholder. Would you care if the product was crap, but you were making money? Of course you wouldn’t. At the end of the day, it’s about making money. As long as WWE are doing that with a “PG” product, nothing will change.

I reckon that WWE needs to start building more “superstars” who are at the level that John Cena and CM Punk is at. Those of you who have read my posts in the past know that I’m not a fan of Cena’s character, but the problem is that as soon as someone says “PG Era” they think “John Cena”, so all the frustration gets fired his way, which isn’t fair. It’s not his fault that he’s seen as the poster boy and the biggest star in the business today; it’s WWE’s fault for not building up enough stars at his level to share the load. Granted, they’ve started to do that in the last 18 months or so with the likes of Sheamus and CM Punk and Randy Orton, but those guys aren’t “there” yet.

In the Attitude Era and beyond, there was a crop of 6/7 credible main-eventers who were interchangeable at the top of the card: Rock, Austin, Foley, HHH, Undertaker, Angle etc. Right now, who do the fans believe in as main-eventers? Cena, Punk, Sheamus and Orton. That’s it. 18 months ago, there would only have been Cena and Orton because Edge had retired. The likes of Kane and Big Show have flip-flopped between face and heel so often that it’s hard to believe they’re main-eventers. Others like Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler, Cody Rhodes and The Miz have all got the potential to be up there, but right now, they’re not.

31 days of halloween: the last house on the left(1972 version) review

Julian Cannon is back again for another post, this time it is a movie i checked on netflix on saturday. And it is called The last house on the left (1972 version). I have heard of this movie and my parents always told me to never look at this movie when i was 10 years old and i have just found out why

In the history of the horror genre, Wes Craven’s low-budget rape-revenge movie The Last House On The Left has long been notorious as one of the nastiest of the Video Nasties, a film so depraved and immoral that it remained at the top of the British Board of Film Classification’s banned list for 30 years.

Loosely styled on Ingmar Bergman’s The Virgin Spring – but with guns and chainsaws replacing Swedish angst – The Last House On The Left was originally conceived as an audience-grabbing mix of sex and violence entitled ‘Sex Crime Of The Century’. Somewhere along the way, though, the filmmakers set off down a different path and instead of the salacious exploitation picture that was planned, The Last House On The Left turned into a blistering indictment of American social mores, middle-class righteousness and the atrocities of the Vietnam War.
The story is deceptively simple: teenagers Mari (Cassel) and Phyllis (Grantham) are abducted by a gang of vicious criminal led by the psychopathic Krug (Hess). They are tortured, raped, mutilated and eventually killed in the pastoral woodlands near their hometown. This ordeal forms the basis of the movie’s chief horror. But then comes the twist: the killers stop off at Mari’s parents’ house after their car breaks down. Realising what’s happened, the complacent middle-class parents (St James and Carr) are transformed and take their bloody and brutal revenge.

It’s difficult to know what is more shocking: the harrowing rape scenes and mutilations, or Craven’s wild deviations in tone that frequently see the movie veer from sexploitation to social commentary, slapstick comedy, nihilistic despair and gallows humour in the space of just a few scenes. The result is a film that confronts its audience viscerally, emotionally and intellectually with a raw power rarely seen before or since.

“Can a movie go too far?” asked the original posters of this landmark horror classic in 1972. Finally re-released in 2008 in an uncut version, it’s a question which remains entirely valid in the twenty-first century.

Verdict:

This movie is twisted and demented and is one of those movies that you wonder what kind of sick mind came up with such a plot…and I LOVE horror movies but not ones like this. Being from the 70s makes it bad enough but the twisted side of it just puts it over the top for me.Also do not watch this movie with any children under ANY circumstances, For me watching this movie,  if i was a parent in 1972, these would be things you will learn after watching this:

*do not let your daughter go out late at night

*do not talk to strangers

*the cops were very lazy that time

*when your kids are missing,do not wait an hour to call for help

*do not let a group of strangers into your home PERIOD!!

Above from all of that, i loved the movie but its way too much for anybody to handle. I can warn you, the movie will literally disturb you to the point that you would want to turn off the movie. But its still a classic in my eyes so i will give it a 8.5/10

 

31 days of Halloween: top 10 best wrestling gimmicks of all time

I am back with another post, this time, the sequel to the top 10 worst gimmicks of all time, This time it will be the top 10 best wrestling gimmicks of all time

10. The Boogeyman

Like many gimmicks on this list, the Boogeyman gimmick remains a cult favorite with a lot of fans. Marty Wright got booted from Tough Enough for lying about his age, but got what he wanted out of the deal anyway. WWE saw potential in him, and he ended up with the Boogeyman gimmick. Wright embraced the gimmick wholeheartedly. You really couldn’t have asked for more. His recitation of nursery rhymes, combined with his mannerisms made what should have been a ridiculous gimmick something not only believable, but occasionally creepy. The crawling, the fantastic makeup, and the mouthful of worms combined to make WWE’s version definitely creepier than the Boogeyman from The Ghostbusters cartoon. Wright lasted nearly four years off and on with WWE with this gimmick, and scored several high profile wins over talent such as JBL and Booker T. Boogeyman remains proof that any gimmick can be successful if talent is willing to sell out for it to make it work.

9.Gangrel

The Vampire Warrior gimmick began in Memphis in the USWA, which has been home to several outlandish gimmicks. He parlayed that into a job with the World Wrestling Federation, thanks to Bruce Pritchard and Vince Russo, who felt that a vampire gimmick had legs. The character was fleshed out a bit by giving it a gothic twist, similar to what fans had seen in the screen adaptation of Interview With A Vampire. However, the true influence for the character came from the game Vampire: The Masquerade. Much like The Boogeyman, the behind the gimmick (David Heath) embraced it wholeheartedly and made it work. He would be given a couple of lackeys – Edge and Christian – in a stable called The Brood. It could be argued that a big part of the success Heath enjoyed is due to the Brood’s intro, because this was the greatest entrance ever. Gangrel could deliver in the ring, though. Everything about this gimmick worked, from blood baths to the spitting of the blood to his participating in the Ministry with The Undertaker.

8.Latin American Exchange

These three men took the world of pro-wrestling by storm, in many ways. They were a very unique team with Konnan on board, as the revolution began in TNA. The team of Homicide and Hernandez would capture many championships, Have their own Commentator table, and along with many bloody battles along the way, with names such as The New Age Outlaws, The Dudleys, Beer Money, and AJ Styles and Daniels. It’s been prove true over the past few years, there is nothing like the original as The Latin American Xchange can never be duplicated.Clearly they were the best group in TNA until the Main Event Mafia in 2008.

7.Sting

ting is arguably the most popular wrestler of all-time. He was named “Most Popular Wrestler of the Year” four times by PWI, which is more than any other wrestler.

He became known as WCW’s “Franchise” and was its most important star from the late ’80s until the company folded in 2001.

Sting is currently the only wrestler to ever win the NWA, WCW and TNA world titles and is considered by many to be the best wrestler to never step foot in a WWE ring.

Sting was WCW’s brightest star in the ’90s along with his trademark blonde flattop and various face paints.

Sting feuded with many of the company’s biggest stars including Sid Vicious, Lex Luger, The Great Muta, Cactus Jack, Vader, Nikita Koloff, Rick Rude and most famously Ric Flair.

Flair and Sting feuded for years and it was Sting who would defeat Flair in the last WCW match ever.The most dramatic moment of Sting’s career happened in 1996. Sting traded in his bright blonde hair and carefree persona and transformed into a gloomy and dark Sting.The new Sting wore all black, covered his face in white paint and would often descend from the rafters during shows. Sting would not speak on WCW programming for over a year.It was during this time period that WCW held a distinct edge over the WWE in the Monday night ratings “war.”Some of WCW’s success had to be attributed to the presence of Sting. Many fans tuned into the WCW programming to find out if and when Sting would make his next appearance.In December of 1997, Sting captured the WCW title from Hulk Hogan in the main event of Starrcade.Sting continued with WCW until the company was bought out in 2001.Sting joined the TNA wrestling company in 2006 where he still competes under the same name.

The man they call Sting is one of the greatest professional wrestling stars ever.

6.Raven

Raven – yes raven this guy was deeply disturbed he wore all black and looked like he would kill you and in his mind he probably was.From Scotty Flamingo in WCW , to Johnny polo in WWF, Raven Would soon land in ECW on January 1995 . Raven IMO is singlely the most underrated, underutilized character ever! Raven was this character that could go in many different directions . He was an ECW hardcore legend he put on some of the most extreme matches in ecw history with Tommy dreamer,The Sandman and Justin credible . Look at the promo work he did to he was able to be well worded with his work to he was able to run with emotions that IMO I believe other wrestlers look back and look to feed on. The funny thing is this guy could work the heel so well his character was made for it but he was able to get the fans behind him. In WWE,TNA,WCW and ECW, this guy had a gift maybe because deep in our minds we understand him. He won quite a few titles but when he got into wwe it seemed like they were to scared to push him I would loved to see him and Kane or undertaker feud I really would

5.Goldust

Yes Goldust I agree with a comment Mean Gene or Mick Foley said Without Goldust you might have never seen an attitude era, But then again it was ECW involvement and Brian Pillman’s “Pillman got a gun” segment.But anyways, I mean he was the man that started it pushing the envelope you never saw anything like it I mean you didn’t know what he was gonna say or do next. He not only should be on there because of that but because he deiced to take himself out of bein dusty son. He was also very good in the ring and I always just wondered that if it wasn’t for back stage politics how far he could of gone. Goldust was able to draw heat and gain fans especially during his rivalry with Lawler and his team up with Booker t.Scott Hall even said in an interview one time that he did not want to work with that guy because of the gimmick. Goldust will never get the credit he deserves – Cody Rhodes. I agree with that he never will I honestly think he should be IMO in the Hall of fame.But we will never know

4.Kane

Kane has evolved through the years, becoming at times a comedic character. He’s been masked and unmasked, heel and face. Way back when, though, the character was inspired by one of the great horror icons. Glen Jacobs himself has said that his portrayal of Kane was heavily influenced by none other than Michael Myers, the antagonist of Halloween. Despite the obvious differences in color patterns, the similarities are there – a slighted brother hellbent on destruction, the mask, remaining silent for years. In his early days, and occasionally in the years since, Kane was an indestructible force that was constantly moving forward. As time has gone by, there have been layers added to the character. At its roots, though, the Kane figure remains a dominant monster in WWE. For me, the night he took of that mask in 2003 is the greatest moment in the history for the big red machine

3.Mankind

The original idea for this character was “Mason the Mutilator”, a name dreamed up by Vince McMahon. Foley himself suggested the change, and the rest is history. Long before Mankind was a lovable underdog, he was a monster. Mankind was originally a masochistic sort that lived in boiler rooms, tucked away from society. Once he was brought into society, he was a force of destruction. Seemingly incapable of controlling himself, Mankind was prone to acts of violence and screeching fits of masochism in the middle of the ring. Mick Foley has always been able to deliver on the microphone, and his eloquent monologues and understanding of the value of vocal inflections allowed Mankind to become a very unsettling character on WWF television in the mid-90’s. Even now, watching the interview segment that results in Jim Ross having the Mandible Claw applied to him by Mankind gives me an uneasy feeling. Mankind is one of the truly great characters in wrestling history.

2.John Cena (rapper)

I’m still in shock over this.

When he debuted in the WWE, John Cena was one of the bland, faceless blue chippers. The only thing that made him stand out were his pastel tights. And then, one day, Stephanie McMahon caught him free-style rapping. Thus, Cena ditched the colorful shorts and put on some jean shorts as he adopted a white rapper gimmick. “Well, that’s it for Cena,” I thought.

And a weird thing happened. Fans started to root for him. This totally blew my mind. A rap gimmick hardly works for black wrestlers. Does anyone remember the No Limit Soldiers? Me neither. It’s even worse for white wrestlers. I mean, when I think of white rappers, I think of pop culture jokes like Vanilla Ice and Snow… and of a barely remembered tag team known as PG-13. How is this black hole of a gimmick actually getting John Cena over?

Then Cena took it to the next level. He started wearing throwback jerseys and pump shoes. He blinged out the US Title. OK, I thought, maybe fans are OK with white rappers since the Eminem thing. But Eminem’s not the kind of guy you associate with the “bling.” And Cena was also starting to do stupid puns revolving around the words “deez nutz.” Fans are going to turn on him soon, aren’t they?

In less than a year, Cena would ride the “white rapper” gimmick all the way to the WWE Heavyweight Title.

Oh, sure, eventually some fans would get tired of the gimmick and start booing Cena. And Cena would gradually drop the more overt aspects of his persona (like the rap offs) to become a superstar reminscent of Hulk Hogan. But that doesn’t change the fact that Cena parlayed a “white rapper” gimmick into one of the longest title reigns in WWF/WWE history.

1. The Undertaker

When the Undertaker debuted, it was assumed that it would be just another cartoonish gimmick that faded away relatively quickly. Instead, the character gained a cult following even as a vicious heel, and survived longer than most gimmicks – cartoonish or not – do in professional wrestling. The Undertaker has become an iconic character, the “franchise” of WWE, and an attraction unto himself. The original look for the Undertaker was based on the morticians of the old west, and the close relationship with death was enough to make people uneasy. His affinity for locking people in caskets and undead appearance furthered the effectiveness of the gimmick. As the years went on, The Undertaker became a cult leader, a biker, returned to his undead persona before becoming something of an undefined supernatural force. No matter how often this topic is revisited, or how far into the future it goes, it’s going to be virtually impossible to knock The Undertaker off this perch.

 

Wrestling News :10/22-10/26/ short review of the CM Punk dvd

MR. Cannon is back for another post, this time it will be a news weekly in the wrestling world in case if nobody knows whats going on behind the scenes

1. WWE Raw Rating Plummets…Again

I tried to warn you all. I tried. I really did. From June to September, the storm was coming folks. It was rolling in, whether fans wanted it or not. We are now in October, and the results show it all. There is nothing more that I can add that hasn’t already been said a million times.

You can blame the MLB all you want. You can blame the NFL all you want. You can blame a political debate all you want. You can blame new Fall shows all you want. In the end, it does not matter. Sports and other programming are on every year, and politics pop uo every few years…

There was NFL on in 2000 (plus every year).

There was MLB on in 2000 (plus every year).

There was a President’s debate on in 2000, 2004, 2008 and so on.

New shows were on in 2000 (plus every year).

Yet, ratings for WWE were just fine then.

Excuses can only go so far. I will repeat it once again. The three hour format is NOT going to be a permanent move. It just is NOT going to last. The sooner WWE/USA Network accepts this, the better! For anybody still wanting to wait out this three hour Raw experiment

2. Ryback – This Sunday

Make no mistake, this will be the biggest night of Ryback’s professional life. Maybe even his entire life? I don’t know. In any event, this is going to be a HUGE night for his future. It is not exactly a “make or break” match for him, but it is VERY close. If he bombs out there in his match, it could be a disaster. If he can work a solid match with CM Punk, he will be just fine going forward. It is a BIG, BIG, BIG test for Ryback. I always discuss how guys are given opportunities to sink or swim in WWE. Once they are given a spot to succeed, it is up to them to deliver. Well, WWE has given Ryback the chance of a lifetime. Now, he has to come through.

3.CM Punk DVD Thoughts

I viewed the new CM Punk DVD and enjoyed it. Many extras and matches are still waiting for me, but the documentary is all done. As expected, it was very well done. The entire thing is just amazing to see, as it features “other companies” and some rare wrestling footage. Clearly, this was a different kind of set. It not only focuses on the business but plenty on life as well. Great job from everybody involved. I do not buy wrestling videos a lot (two this year), so kudos to getting my purchase! For those wondering, I heard a rumor the DVD was selling VERY well. Absolutely NOTHING has been reported as such online, but I expect that to change soon. Eventually, the official numbers will roll in, and WWE will be pleased.

4.Samoa Joe To WWE?

From WrestleNewz.com:

“Because he’s currently signed to TNA, there is quiet talk within one WWE inner circle about trying to bring Samoa Joe in.”

Interesting. I wonder what “one WWE inner circle” that is. Perhaps CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, and the other former ROH stars?

Just a guess.

In any event, this news report comes up every few months. As always, it goes nowhere. Plenty of guys backstage at WWE would probably love to see him join the company. However, it has yet to happen and likely never will. Too many chances have come and gone already. Too bad! TNA ends up signing Joe to a new contract, pushes him for a few months, and then he goes to the background once again for a couple of months. Looking at the TNA roster page, it looks like Joe just got the TV Title. Well, this story seems to explain why he suddenly got a belt. Just like Jeff Hardy, TNA wants to keep him on board.

I can understand that thought, but it is pointless right now. Until the WWE/TNA lawsuit comes to an end, nobody is “jumping ship” with any reasonable name value. Jeff Hardy can’t go to WWE. Samoa Joe, whether the rumor is true or not, is NOT heading up north anytime soon. The same goes for any other talent down in Orlando. However, once that ridiculous lawsuit ends? My, oh my! Look out…

5.Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara update

from the wrestling observer newsletter,

It’s said that the relationship between Rey Mysterio and WWE officials is strong right now. WWE has given Rey a lighter live event schedule because of his knees and they are happy because they know he has been helping out Sin Cara a lot.

Regarding Cara’s status, he has turned around in a lot of people’s eyes since being put with Mysterio. People now see him working hard as trying to adapt to the American style of wrestling.

6.And finally, Jeff hardy comments about CM Punk

Jeff Hardy was asked about the recent fan incident with CM Punk during a media conference earlier this month.

“I have not seen it but CM Punk is great wrestler but we are on different pages with our beliefs and who we are. I need to check that out. He is crazy talented but we do not keep in touch. I have nothing bad to say about him.”

everybody should remember that 3 years ago, they had a feud on Smack down  that made them personally dislike eachother to this day. Maybe if Jeff Hardy comes back to the WWE, their feud will continue.

What do you all think, ill be back next week for another newsletter

follow me @julianexcalibur

31 days of Halloween:Top 10 worst pro wrestling gimmicks of all time

I am back for another post. This week i will be doing the top 10 worst gimmicks of all time. The reason is because Halloween is coming up and I know most people will dress up so lets put on our costumes and start the countdown

10. PN news

PN News was fat. He was a fatty fat fatso. But he was also…phat?

That’s right. Phat with a “PH,” mothereffers! This was the early ’90s and rap was fun, god dammit! We had Kid n’ Play. Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince. Heavy D. Vanilla Ice in Ninja Turtles II. There were Pajama Jammy Jams every night! PN News was WCW’s lame attempt to try and do something “urban.” You can also lump the WWF’s Men on a Mission (Mabel and Mo) in this category of neon-colored, family-friendly old school rap n’ wrassle acts.

PN News actually had a somewhat high-profile feud with Paul E. Dangerously’s(Paul heyman)Dangerous Alliance. Before his matches, he’d get on the mic and rap a few lines that usually went a little something like “My name is PN News and I’m here to say, I’m going wrestle in a very special way…” Then he says, “Yo Baby, Yo Baby Yo” which was his way of trying to capture the magic of “Go Ninja Go Ninja Go.” Also, he looked like a giant alien potato covered in shame.

9.REPO MAN

Repo Man (Demolition’s Barry Darsow) wasn’t an utter failure. He’s one of those strange gimmicks, that I mentioned previously, that stuck around for a few years. He was a cackling, goofy 1960s-era Batman TV villain-type character that loved nothing more than just straight-up swiping other people’s shit. He was part Frank Gorshin, part Hamburglar.

I’m not sure if they were ever really trying to convince us that he held down a steady job as an actual “Repo Man,” because all he really did was swipe things. He was pretty much like Swiper from Dora the Explorer. He’d sneak around and hide, and wait for his opportunity to jack someone’s jewels. He’d really just get into feuds because he was a thief that liked to take things that didn’t belong to him. Macho Man’ s hat. Tatanka’s feathers. Hulk Hogan’s prayers and vitamins.

Why did he have tire tracks on him? Why did he wear an eye mask? Why did he use a leg-grapevine submission as a finisher? Actually, looking back at him – he might have been a genius.

8.Oklahoma

All is fair in love and war correct? Well, even though there was a Monday night ratings war between Nitro and RAW, it still didn’t seem right when the WCW created a character to serve as a personal attack on the WWF’s leading announcer Jim Ross.

Played by Ed Ferrara and co-created by Vince Russo, the character of Oklahoma was a not-so-subtle way for both Ferrara and Russo to air their grievances with their former co-worker Good Ol’ J.R. While many things were done between these two companies which seemed like exchanging blows in a fight, this would be the only punch that truly felt like it was under the belt. Making fun of J.R.’s announcing style and Bell’s Palsy, Ed Ferrara would do irreparable harm to his image within the industry by tastelessly poking fun at one of the most respected men in the business. Out of all the bad gimmicks on this list, Oklahoma serves as the only one that truly offended us.

7.THE DUNGEON OF DOOM

Hulk Hogan was new to WCW and needed some new bad guys to play with. Hey, how about a gaggle of moronic “dark” characters that he’ll just keep beating over and over again for a couple years? That sounds delightful. The Dungeon of Doom was supposed to be something to fear, but instead they were as laughable as they were inept. Erstwhile Satanist-caricature Kevin Sullivan, under the guidance of a wrinkled old “Master,” became the Taskmaster and set out to, one could only assume, embarrass the entire wrestling establishment top to bottom.

Among his minions were Kamala, Meng, The Shark (formerly Earthquake), The Loch Ness Monster (Haystacks Calhoun) and…the freaking Yeti. My god. The Yeti could have his own entry, but I decided to lump him in with this veritable “Island of Misfit Toys” of wrestling. See one of the videos below to behold the majestic Yeti in all his bandaged Hogan-humping glory.

Oh, and who could forget…Zodiac. Or is it The Butcher? Whatever. Ed “Zodiac/Butcher/Booty Man /Brutus Beefcake” Leslie takes our unofficial Gold Medal for Exceptional Achievement in Bad Gimmickry.

6.GLACIER, MORTIS and WRATH

Back in 1996 WCW had the phenomenally awesome idea of creating video game-inspired characters – reminiscent to those found in games such as “Mortal Kombat”. While there were three of them, Glacier (Ray Lloyd – aka Coach Buzz Stern), Mortis (Chris Kanyon) and Wrath (Bryan Clark – aka Adam Bomb), it would be Glacier who helped these three make their way onto our list. Spending a good amount of time feuding with each other, these three had extravagant outfits, mean attitudes and entrances which could make even multiple time world champions blush.

Glacier in particular was our favorite, as he was dressed up to look like ” Sub Zero” from the MK series – wearing a blue ninja outfit, white hair, strange contacts, a mask and occasionally a helmet (which we are told was a centuries old relic passed down by his karate instructor). While none of these guys were awful in the ring – Kanyon was actually very good – it would be the pandering to the younger gaming audience and the “trying too hard” look and feel that made these characters so embarrassing.

5.S7VEN

You may be asking: Why is Seven (or S7even, or 7even, or whatever) on this list? As, in the character’s first appearance he – being Dustin Rhodes (aka Goldust) – broke character and delivered a shoot interview on crappy gimmicks. Well, while we like the fact that the WCW was able to poke fun at itself for a gimmick which I’m sure they realized sucked in hindsight, the character had serious promos created in which Seven was built as a credible threat… or circus attraction.

After creating many promotional videos that had Seven in such menacing locations as outside a child’s window at night, Turner Broadcasting wisely put an end to the character stating that it might be construed that Seven was a child abductor, or something worse. Regardless, bad idea and all, Seven is one of the few characters on this list that created genuinely entertaining television… despite the atrocious gimmick.

4.MAX MOON

Look at those space rockets that he shoots out of his space hands! Look at those fantastical laser beams that he uses to delight the masses? But why does he look like a cross between The Michelin Man and agony? Why is he a rippled, rubber piñata? Why does it look like he can be taken apart like a game of Connect Four?

Max Moon (Konnan) was one of those awful gimmicks that was meant to give the kiddies someone to cheer on. A smiling colorful douchebag that we’d see again in the form of Aldo Montoya (Justin Credible) and that we’d seen before in the form of Koko B. Ware. Always smiling. Just happy to be there. Win or lose.

Max Moon was a cyborg soldier from The Future, apparently sent back in time to make us all sick to our stomachs. Konnan wound up leaving the WWF, claiming discrimination (sound familiar?) forcing the WWF to find a different wrestler to wear the absurdly priced $1,300 costume.

 

4.OZ

There is one thing you can count on in the pro wrestling industry, and that is no matter whom you are, you have done something which you don’t want anybody to remember. The good news for all of us is that pro wrestling is recorded and achieved. So with the help of fan videos and humiliating “remember when” pieces we can humble big names in the wrestling industry. For this list we have decided to dig up dirt on Big Sexy Kevin Nash… or should we say Oz? Yes, Oz – as in The Wizard of. Back in WCW in 1991 Kevin Nash dropped his mohawked Master Blaster Steel gimmick only to upgrade (?) to that of the mysterious Oz. Ushered to the ring by the Great Wizard (Kevin Sullivan), Oz spoke with a commanding voice, wore emerald colors, a turban and mask that looked more like The Sultan from Disney’s Aladdin than something from the book/film The Wizard of Oz. Still, you need to hand it to Big Kev, as even with the bad gimmick WCW continued to push him – whether that was due to Nash’s stature and charisma or WCW refusing to acknowledge that the character of Oz was ill-conceived is still up in the air.

Let this be a warning to all those attempting to get into the business: There are video cameras on you at all times, don’t do anything you will regret for the rest of your life.

3.THE GOON

Wow. The Goon. Yes. You know there were a handful of these “occupational wrestlers” that went on to find a lot of success. Like Mike Rotunda’s IRS and Jacques Rougeau’s Mountie, but after a while people just didn’t want to see that any more. The WWF definitely passed on more than they approved. My question is…if the Baseball Player (with his face painted up like he was a Fury from The Warriors) didn’t make the cut, then why did they think The Goon (“Wild” Bill Irwin) stood a chance?

A big, clumsy and fumbly Hockey Player? With hair like an unmade bed? And wearing full hockey gear? I know it was a few years ago, but people still actually liked to watch fluid wrestling matches back then. Who would ever want to see someone compete wearing a complete body sheath? And man, could people have cared less about Hockey?

Apparently The Goon had been kicked out of every league he’d been a part of. But they could never kick him out of our hearts.

2.Shark Boy

Again, you aren’t losing your mind, in fact you’re perfectly sane but I understand why you’re doubting yourself. You’re thinking how in the hell can someone have a shark-like gimmick, well the answer to your problem is: they can and they have. The worst moment in Shark Boy’s career was when he started taking on a Stone Cold gimmick saying things such as “Give me a shell yeah!” or “What?” and believe it or not but the shark actually drank beer at one stage! Ohhh, not to mention AND THAT’S THE FISHIN’ LINE COS SHARK BOY SAID SO!

1.THE SHOCKMASTER

For those that know their professional wrestling it will come as no surprise that we have chosen The Shockmaster as #1. Some wrestlers are given good gimmicks which can carry even the worst wrestler, some wrestlers are given mediocre gimmicks which they either make succeed or fail according to their ability, some wrestlers are saddled with bad gimmicks (as this list has shown) that will essentially bury a wrestler’s career, and then every once in a blue moon something so extraordinary happens that it will echo in the annals of wrestling history as a complete and utter embarrassment to the wrestler, the company and all those that are forced to share screen time with them… thus is THE SHOCKMASTER!!!

We’re not sure if we’re ultimately more offended by the fact that this witless meatball actually fell on his ass (actually making his mic’d teammates say out loud “He just fell on his ass!”) or by the fact that his costumed consisted of suspenders and a Storm Trooper helmet with blue glitter-glue all over it.

There you have it, my top 10 worst gimmicks of all time, my next will be the top 10 best gimmicks from the 80’s to the early 2000’s..Aslo follow me on twitter @julianexcalibur

31 days of Halloween: retro video game review:Zombies ate my neighbors

I am back again with another retro video game review. this time is one of my favorites and a cult classic, zombies ate my neighbors

also follow me on twitter on your thoughts @julianexcalibur

Who doesn’t love a good campy horror flick every now and then? With Lucas Art’s Zombies Ate My Neighbors, you may never have to watch another one!

Just look at the premise of the game: Monsters are running amok in the neighborhood and it is up to two kids armed with squirt guns to stop them! It may sound cliche’, but that feeling will soon be discarded once you begin playing and discovering what a triumph the game design is!

At the start of the game you can choose between two kids; a boy and a girl. Aside from the look of the character, there is no inherent advantage to picking either of them, so just go with want you want. From there you are dropped in the first neighborhood to begin your quest of saving as many neighbors as possible. The game controls marvelously, and you will never once have a problem doing what you want once you figure out how to sort items! They even give you a radar to help in locating the neighbors which you can toggle on and off by hitting your trigger buttons.

It’s a good thing too! Ten of your neighbors ranging from mean teachers to helpless babies are scattered throughout each level. Your goal is to get to them before the monsters do. This may sound simple until you realize that if a neighbor is killed then you lose that neighbor FOR THE REST OF THE GAME! That might be a problem since the game has over 50 levels to keep them alive through, and eventually you would be down to one. Except the game developers were way ahead of us on that one! The fix was to award an extra neighbor for every 40,000 points you score! And since you will be scoring a TON of points throughout the game most players will be fine as long as you don’t mess up TOO badly.

On the other hand, that doesn’t mean that the game is a cake walk, either. The monster horde is out for your blood (or the neighbors! They’re not picky)! There’s the titular zombies, the masked killer, the evil dolls, the vampires, the werewolves… put it this way: If its been in a horror film, it will be in this game! It is shocking how much content they managed to stuff in a game that is over 15 years old! Each monster acts differently than its brethren, with different patterns, aggressiveness, and weaknesses, and you’ll have to learn each one’s intricacies in order to survive!

That is what the weapons are for! Zombie’s myriad of weapons and items are pure bliss, adding yet another layer of content into an already stuffed game. I love how the game uses things typical of suburbia and turns them into a viable arsenal. Squirt guns filled with holy water act as a pistol. Shaken-up Cola cans act as grenades that can be hurled over walls. Bazookas (Yes, bazookas!) dropped by military can be used to blow down obstacles such as hedges and walls. Every weapon and item has a purpose and add strategy to the game, but it is the various ways that the weapons interact with the monsters that steal the show. Silverware one-shot werewolves! Weed-Whackers one-shot plant monsters! POPSICLES ONE-SHOT BLOBS!! If you are a horror aficionado, you will have a distinct advantage here since it is obvious that this was a labor of love from a development team that loved horror movies!

It all comes together beautifully. Levels are incredibly detailed, and as with the monsters and weapons, it’s the small things that make the difference. Need to get in a house? You can use a key. Or you could blow the door open with a bazooka! Or you could smash it down as a monster using a special potion!

Do you want to explore, or just rescue your neighbors and move on? It is in these moments that the game ceases to be good and becomes extraordinary. My favorite example is the hedge maze in level 3. Viable options include turning into a monster and killing all seven chainsaw maniacs or using a bazooka and blowing holes in both walls AND maniacs in order to fast-track to your neighbors. Or you could let the maniacs cut a path for you, luring them into making shortcuts for you before breaking out the fire extinguishers and decoy clowns to slow them down! The possibilities are endless!

Did I mention that you can do all of this WITH TWO PLAYERS? Bringing along a buddy makes for two times the fun, and makes it more likely that you can finish the game in one sitting. Make no mistake: THAT IS THE WAY IT IS MEANT TO BE PLAYED! Zombies features a password system that punishes you for using it by stripping you of your items. If you have to use a password then you start from the later levels with just a squirt gun and a first-aid kit! I would normally chalk this up to bad game design, but it almost seems deliberate as a way to challenge more advanced players. I think that they expected veterans to use the passwords to skip ahead and try their luck at some of the punishing later levels with a limited inventory.

As for graphics and sound… The game cannot stand toe-to toe with the SNES’ best, but I don’t think it’s supposed to. The graphics get the job done and do a great job of painting a varied landscape. Animation is great with unique animations for all neighbors and monsters, not to mention the kids which are very expressive. This may explain why the graphics are a little toned down, and I consider it a fair trade. Sound-wise the game is fantastic. The soundtrack may repeat too often, but the tracks that are there are all mood-setters with my personal favorites being Dr. Tongue’s Castle and the Baby Theme. Sound effects are also varied and used to great effect, from the roaring of a chainsaw to the screaming cries of the neighbors as they are spirited away to the next world.

Overall, I cannot praise this game enough! That is why I am always confused that more gamers have not heard of this game. It sold reasonably well but seems to be forgotten among modern gamers. It was only recently that it clicked into place! I was playing Dead Rising and bitching to a friend about how clunky it was when memories of this game came flooding back to me. Zombies was a game before its time, and nothing makes that clearer than the zombie-obsessed society of the modern age! Dead Rising, Left 4 Dead, The Walking Dead, The Zombie Survival Guide… Even Call of Duty has been invaded by the undead! This game combines EVERYTHING appealing about horror films, ties it to solid arcade action, and then throws in some trademark Lucas Arts humor. The final result is a fresh and addictive title that still holds up to this day! That is why I am officially using this platform to call for Konami to make the sequel that ZAMN deserves!!

They might as well do something while they are busy doing nothing…